I have never eaten Halloween chili sitting down. Every year I'm standing at the island with a ladle in one hand and a tube of face paint in the other, and every year I promise myself I'll sit for five minutes. It hasn't happened yet, and with Halloween on a Friday this year, I don't expect it to.
This Friday is also the first of Cody's games we'll miss this season. Kristen understood. Cody, who plays offensive line and would rather we didn't yell his name at the wrong moments anyway, said he'd survive. So the plan is the same one we've used for years: a big pot of chili, a toppings bar on the island, everyone fed by 5:30, costumes on after, and out the door before it's fully dark.
Why we eat before, not after
We tried it the other way once. The year Wyatt was seven, we went out first and planned to eat when we got home. By 8 o'clock both boys had eaten enough candy to power a small city and nobody wanted chili. I ate a cold bowl standing up at 9:30 and swore I'd never do that again. Chili first means real food goes in before the candy does, and it keeps the evening on a schedule I can live with.
The other rule: costumes go on after dinner. That one was also written in chili.
The chili, about twelve bowls
This makes twelve generous bowls, which covers the five of us, Tuan and Lisa Nguyen and their two girls (we walk the street together every year), a bowl I carry next door to Mrs. Patterson, who hands out full-size candy bars and doesn't leave her porch, and seconds for Matt and Wyatt. Most years there's a quart left for the freezer.
- 2 pounds 80/20 ground beef
- 2 onions, diced, and 5 cloves garlic, minced
- 1/4 cup chili powder, 1 tablespoon cumin, 2 teaspoons oregano, 1 teaspoon smoked paprika, 2 teaspoons salt
- 1 can (28 ounces) crushed tomatoes and 1 can (15 ounces) tomato sauce
- 1 can pinto beans and 1 can kidney beans, drained
- 2 cups water with a beef bouillon cube
- 2 tablespoons masa harina stirred into 1/2 cup water
Brown the beef in the big stockpot, add the onions until they're soft, then the garlic and spices for one minute. Add the tomatoes and water and turn it down as low as the burner goes. It simmers uncovered for about two hours, and I stir it every time I walk past, which on Halloween is a lot. The beans go in for the last 30 minutes and the masa slurry for the last ten to thicken it.
Yes, there are beans in it. I know where I live. Beans stretch two pounds of beef to twelve bowls, and my kids like them.
The stockpot is too big for this amount. I use it anyway, because it's the pot that steams Christmas tamales and simmers Thanksgiving stock, and it holds heat well. Last year I left it on medium while I did Eli's dinosaur face paint and scorched the bottom. The chili on top was fine, and I spent Saturday morning scrubbing. This year it stays on low, and I stir it like it's on a ticket.
The toppings bar
Toppings go on the island in whatever bowls are clean: shredded cheddar, sour cream, diced onion, saltines, a bag of corn chips for anyone who wants Frito pie, hot sauce and a jar of the jalapeños I pickled from our backyard plants in June. Almost all of it is already in the fridge or pantry. The corn chips are the only extra purchase, about $2.50.
Eli has Frito pie every year with no chili. Corn chips and cheese, with a spoonful of plain meat on the side if I scoop some out before the tomatoes go in. I've decided that counts as dinner.
Friday's schedule
- 2:30: brown the beef. I work from home on Fridays, so I'm right there.
- 3:00: tomatoes in, burner on low.
- 4:30: beans in. Kids home, homework ignored.
- 5:00: the Nguyens come over.
- 5:15: everyone eats. Rosie wears a bib over her clothes, nowhere near her pumpkin costume.
- 5:45: costumes, face paint, flashlights.
- 6:30: out the door.
- 8:00: home. The chili moves to the Crock-Pot on warm for Matt's second bowl and anyone who straggles in.
Receipt check: about $19 for the chili, or roughly $1.58 a bowl, plus $2.50 for the corn chips.
The forecast still says 79. Eli, a dinosaur for the second year running, has informed me that dinosaurs don't get hot.
